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Speech! Speech!

by on May.21, 2017, under Dreams

The dream started out odd enough already. A bunch of friends, notable appearances by Ed and Kyle, which fit the theme of what will be described later, staying at a house getting ready for a challenge reality show. Nothing majorly worth mentioning at this point because it’s like a resort hotel, warm locale, the sun is shining, everyone in shorts and t-shirts.

Flash forward to the next scene where we’re competing athletically through a training course. Physical tests of endurance and strength, though really it looked like a wipeout course. This when I start noticing what looks like WWE signage around and a few of the judges being WWE staff. Triple H and Stephanie McMahon are there as is Daniel Bryan. I do average on the course, fall where most guys fell, certainly not enough upper body strength to dead lift another person my size. So as far as dreams go, this one was pretty spot on in terms of realism of my physical abilities.

After those test, we’re all in a sound stage and we’re told that we’re going to be given two minutes to talk. No prompt for anything, just two minutes. The three aforementioned members of the WWE are sitting there taking notes. A few of the other performers are given their mics, a timer starts and then a buzzer goes off when their time is up. I don’t remember any of the other competitors or what they say. Flash forward and my turn comes up.

I take the mic and start walking across the stage as I begin talking.

“This business is about creating memories. I want to create moments for people. Sure I’m 34 and possibly past my prime for in ring action, but I can take a bump and I sure as hell can spit it out on a mic. I will train harder than anyone and I will do what helps drive the story. It’s all about telling the story. Everyone remembers the ending of Flair vs HBK and where they were when the Taker’s streak ended. I can be the next big mouth piece and craft stories that lead to those moments. There is a video out there of Heyman talking about the conspiracy of how no one really knows if the streak was supposed to end, if it was scripted that way, or if Brock just decided to say fuck it and ended the streak on his own. The storytelling that he pulls off with his words is magical.”

I cross the stage and start walking towards Triple H, Steph, and Daniel. I took note of how much time I had left and remember distinctly seeing 45 seconds on the clock.

“I’m able to do that with my words, I’ll craft stories and tales with more twists and subplots than an M. Night Shyamalan movie. I’ll create visions with words and actions believable so that kids can grow up knowing they can make it. If an every-man like I can enter the squared circle, they will believe it too. Every kid who has ever grown up watching wrestling has hoped of meeting their heroes and shaking their hands.”

At this point I’m standing in front of Triple H and I stick my hand out to him. He smiles and goes to grab it and I pull my hand, look him dead in the eyes and say,

“For others, they become equals and challenge them on their own stage.”

I drop the mic and the timer goes off. The other competitors go nuts, Daniel smacks Triple H on the arm and Stephanie has a hand covering her mouth and wide eyed. I don’t remember much else after this aside from hearing Stephanie say, “That took a lot of heart, reminds me of someone here.” Probably referring to Daniel.


I woke up shortly after, but what I wanted to make sure I captured was the speech. It felt so raw and so true. I didn’t stutter, my pauses were perfect, it was the first time I’ve had to do any sort of “public” speaking in almost 5 years. I almost dare say I miss it a little bit. To hold the attention of people, to be in center spotlight, it’s empowering to me.

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A long time coming.

by on May.17, 2017, under Personal

You would think that having a kid would inspire me to post more, but the simple matter of the fact is that you get too busy enjoying their time and making time for other things (such as volleyball and video games) to take the time to keep a record. Well the last post was in 2014 and I was talking about my eye issue where I turned partially blind. Fast forward 2 1/2 years later, the vision loss is still there (according to my vision field test) but the majority of the issue is all but gone. Except for when I read books or go to 3D movies.

My son Maddox and my daughter Nova have changed my world.

This little guy makes it a little more special to wake up each day. Even when he’s grumping through the night it’s not that big a deal. Sure he may want cuddles for 15 minutes before going back to his bed and sleeping, but the’s only little for so long. Then the phase disappears and all that is left is an uninterrupted night’s sleep 😀

There really has been a lot that’s happened in the past 2 1/2 years, but at the same not, not that much either. Sure there have been big events like my cousin’s and sister’s wedding, cousin’s bachelor party where we did Mud Hero, all of Maddox’s milestones (solid food, crawling, walking, stairs, now full sentences, it just keeps happening).

Nova at the time I write this is almost 2 months old. There’s really not much to tell about her. She’s a baby, eat sleeps, poops, repeats. Much like her brother sleeping through the night at the moment, but we’ll see how long that lasts. Maddox regressed after 4 months.

I got back into the WWE and hanging with friends while doing it, it’s been fun following the storylines again and just talking about it with friends.

On a personal level I’ve been dealing with a shoulder injury for the better part of the past 2 years finally working on fixing the problem in the past 6 months. What sparked it? Having pain when lifting Maddox over my head. This is not something I want to have happen for his entire life.

As far as video games, I started playing World of Warcraft again a couple months ago. A lot of my old friends still play, and joining back up with them is like nothing has changed at all. The only difference is that I am playing a Warrior instead of a Hunter. It’s easier to do that with a wife that is a priest so she can heal or DPS on it and easier for us to find groups.

I used to end posts with a current track, this time I am choosing to end with Robert Miles – Children. He passed away last week. The man was one of the first influences on me to the trance scene.

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A few weeks later

by on Jul.09, 2014, under Personal

Well life goes on, no point in staying angry. I’m sure the doctors were just trying to be optimistic about the issue, I understand that now.

Just a quick little update post saying everything is good. 3 more months and I’ll be a dad. Yay!

No current track.

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Angry, Depressed, Defiant.

by on Jun.18, 2014, under Personal

About three weeks ago I took a pretty hard dodgeball shot to the face from point blank that I didn’t see coming at all at a tournament.

There were/are spots near the top middle of my field of vision as well as the top 1/4 of my eye that I can’t really see through. It’s distorting my vision in my right eye. It’s fairly disruptive if I try to only use my right eye to the point where things in my peripheral are clear, but as soon as I try to focus on it, because of the spots, it gets distorted and I can’t really see or make it out. I was then told that it was probably bruising and that at worst it was a retinal tear. Either way, it would heal or get repaired. Fast forward three weeks and I had my specialist exam. Upon further exam I was informed that the damage is permanent. I was shown a scan of my eye and in the scan there is about 15-25% of the back of the eye where the scan is dark. For the rest of my life I am stuck with this. I am partially blind in my right eye. It pains me to say that. But the title is correct.

I am angry because I was lied to. I was told that it would be better only to be told completely different later on. If I was told this right off the bat I would have probably not been angry. That false hope is painful to deal with, but now what can you do? I don’t normally get angry, but on the way to work I let out a pretty loud swear at the hopelessness of the matter. Then I realized that I can’t really change anything.

I am depressed because I cannot change this. I am sad because this is permanent. I’ve lost vision, there is no repairing the damage, the damaged part of the eye does not regenerate, I am stuck.

I am defiant because it will not change me. It will not affect my lifestyle. I will keep playing what I love, I will just take more care of myself and take more precautions. Over 10 years later I’m going back to my high school days and wearing goggles while playing sports. The doctor told me that I would eventually get used to it and that I would eventually not notice it at all and life will continue on.

So yes, that’s the story of the day. My life is changed. It’s a fact. Acknowledge it, accept it, let’s pretend it’s not there.

Current track: Sub Focus – Tidal Wave

PS. This is why I love Trance music. I can close my eyes, listen, and problems disappear.

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What’s gone on?

by on Apr.05, 2014, under Personal

There has been so much that has happened lately that I don’t know really where to begin. So I’ll do what I can chronologically.

I got married back on October 26th. My friends had a blast, I had a lot of fun and I solidified the life long commitment that I’ve made to my wife and future family. I say future family because I will also become a father in just over half a year from now.

How do I feel about that? It’s exciting, nervous, reinvigorating, and scary all at once. All my friends are excited about the fact I’m going to be a dad. It’s a pretty awesome thing to have happen and I look forward to being able to raise a child.

Chrystal isn’t handling it so well though, I mean physically. She’s been sick the entire time so far and it’s not been fun for her. Nothing but nausea the past 2 months. Put a pretty big damper on our honeymoon, we thought that she was early enough that we should still have a lot of fun. We did do a few cool things, tours to go snorkeling, relax on a white sandy beach, and swim with dolphins. We went to Cuba, stayed at Allegro in Varadero. It wasn’t too bad on the over all, the beach was fantastic. Drinks flowed free, I’m pretty sure I put down two bottles of rum myself the entire week. The food was almost the same every day and by the end of it, I was pretty unimpressed with the food. Chrystal couldn’t even get to the buffet by the end of it. The smell would make her throw up 🙁 All it means is that we need a do over 🙂

With the news of a child on the way, the roommate has moved out for a few reasons. We need the space, he doesn’t want to live with a crying baby, and it’s nice to live as just Chrystal and I for a little bit before our lives change forever.

It’s also been a bad season for my sports. I’ve been afflicted with a lower back injury that took me out for 3 weeks and I’m currently on the tail end of an injured knee which I’ve been out for 3 weeks as well. I was good enough in the middle to get another dodgeball championship with the Ducks 😀 That said, we’ve won a few and the competition level isn’t there so we’re doing intermediate volleyball this season. A few of us have played, Vince and I play at a competitive level and Kyle played in high school so it should be interesting. If nothing it’s a change of what to do with the team.

Work has been good, my boss gave me a server to play with at home so I’m excited to do that. I can consolidate my two servers into one now using some of the same technology we use for our clients and just play with the newer stuff before we deploy to clients.

Current track:DJ RAM – Ramelia There’s a bit of story behind this track that makes it so moving. The DJ’s wife was in a war ravaged country, don’t remember where, and he was fighting hard to get her out of it, but due to passport issues, she was stuck. During the time apart, she died in the country, unable to get out.

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